Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

LG14- Beach Blanket Bimbo

Well there is a reason that Chastity and Lust hate each other. You leave a park after being ditched by your evil golem twin and you have some nastiness to burn off. Come across your arch enemy relaxing and looking happy for the first time in epochs... And well it pretty much just writes itself. Maybe it's the hair buns. Probably the hair buns.
We'll leave Chast's vacation and start off a new arc next update. Maybe she'll stop weeping and pummeling the cabana boy by the time we return.

Quick Review: Phantasy Star Portable 2- PSP2 definitely controls better than the last DS version I reviewed but egads is the UI a disaster. Trying to comb through menus, find what you're looking for, and equip and compare items is a mess of unnecessary hassle and button combinations all while you can't pause because the game always thinks it's an MMO even when playing story mode. Alone. With the Internet switch on the system disabled. The game can't even be bothered to tell you what items do. I had dozens of items that the game said were special and would totally be valuable and I had no idea what to do with any of them. There are just very poor descriptions of what items do even if they are described and it's Phantasy Star so everything has that 80s RPG nonsensical naming. The characters in the story would be completely forgettable if they weren't so godawful. I don't remember PSO being like this at all (but it's been awhile so I could very well have purged it from my mind) but you're partnered with a horrible and annoying anime school girl-type character that constantly bickers with her waaaaacky boss. Story segments have you furiously mashing the X button to skim through the dialogue and get back to the game. It doesn't help that the characters are pretty much useless in battle on top of it all. They get caught on parts of the level or behind doors and they don't help you or follow orders. The only order I ever gave them was to heal me and I could be near death and right next to them and they would stand there and let me die, probably taking pleasure in it. And you will get knocked around and die frequently through little fault of your own because the lock-on system is a mess. Trying to lock onto a specific target from a distance feels completely random and it makes playing as a ranger pretty much completely pointless. You have to get right up to an enemy to lock on to it so the character that's weaker and is supposed to fight from far away has to get into the middle of the battle and get knocked around the same as everybody else. But when you get up close to an enemy, the camera can't keep up unless you're locked on but as soon as the enemy moves to the side or you dodge, you can't lock on again. I played for a while, maybe a third of the way through the game, died from a simple enemy that I couldn't lock on to and just couldn't bring myself to start the game again.