Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

UP8- It Could Be A Poison Penny

There are times when lots of good luck can work against you. Sure finding a coin here and there when you need to buy lunch or make an emergency call may be great, but when you were hoping for a lightning strike to smite those around you, you don't want lady luck to be in a good mood.
And the Tarot prove that the pen IS mightier than the sword. Or rather, having the guy that completed a bestiary on your foes is mightier than the guy with the flaming dagger. Just don't stab Sloth is all that saying means, alright? And always have a writer in your corner when you seek to conquer a dimension. Worst comes to worst, you can throw his pens into your enemy's eyes Batarang style.

This weekend is the final time to get your entry in for the art contest. Every person that submits a decent picture gets a free copy of the So You've Conquered the World e-book!

Quick Review: Superman vs the Elite- I really like the art style for the latest DC animated feature, but man does a ridiculously huge and buff Clark Kent look asinine. He's drawn to be like seven feet tall and with a jaw that looks like a fist. That people wouldn't look at him and immediately say he's a superhero is laughably dumb. And why does Lois Lane look drastically different in every show and movie? Bruce Timm Lois Lane was perfect. She was easily identifiable and her look and outfit suited her personality. This time around she could be just about anybody and it's hard to tell it's even supposed to be Lois Lane because she's the most unlikable character in the movie thanks to some terrible dialogue delivered by an actress that sounds like doing the movie is a terrible inconvenience for her. I know I don't like Superman but I was hoping for a good story. The dialogue is bad, everything feels rushed, you get conflicting accounts of how the characters came to be as a part of the story but that means you never really learn anything about them and you just have to roll with whatever the movie is telling you this minute. Tumors give you superpowers? Okay. The new group has an interdimensional space ship because why? Not-Israel and Not-Palestine are at war and we're supposed to really care about this despite knowing almost nothing about the conflict. I was amazed to see that this story was published in March, 2001 because it has the corniest of all post-9/11 symbolism. I've never read the original story so either the movie received some uncalled for rewrites, Joe Kelly is psychic, or reality mirrors predictable comic writing in a really, really, truly depressing way.
The ending represents everything I hate about Superman and why it's one of the most godawful of the mainstream comics. The "villains" stop the blood from flowing to Superman's brain, give him a seizure, and then blow him up with the power of fifteen suns and what's the end result of this? Superman's clothes get torn, he gets a couple of cuts, and one of his eyes is bloodshot. If you're going to write a character like that and pretend like he has villains or set up drama on the prospect of him losing a fight, you're one of the laziest kinds of writers. Superman comics should be nothing more than a pretty cover with the words "Superman wins" printed on the inside. And really, Superman has SO much control over his heat vision that he can fire it through somebody's pupils, curve it through their nerves/veins/maybe drill through the skull/whatever without touching anything or the immense heat frying anything important to pinpoint a specific point on the brain? And why is the choice always between killing vs not killing? There are a hundred different ways to restrain or stop somebody that has shown the willingness to murder, rape, spread Joker gas, fire death rays at innocents, etc etc that don't involve murder. The first time it happens, sure, ship the bad guy off for justice and to be locked up in Super Max or Arkham. But when the villains escape time after time and continue to kill, you have to realize there are a few problems in the system. The first time Joker escaped from Arkham and killed more people, Batman should have broken Joker's arms and legs. You don't kill, you bring the person back to face its crimes and justice, and you prevent this from happening again. How many hundreds of people in Gotham have been murdered or terrorized because Batman refuses to take any action against the Joker himself. How could crippling a known and admitted repeat and unrepentant murderer be against anybody's moral code, much less a person that dresses up in a costume and enacts his own brand of vigilante justice night after night. After a few decades of this, you have to face that Batman is morally responsible for everybody Joker has killed post that first breakout or two. Batman has all that blood on his hands. Superman has to atone for every person Brainiac has eliminated. Spider-Man should feel reeeaaally crappy about everybody Lizard has eaten. Comics sidestep and shy away from this very real issue and do it a disservice with comics/movies like this because it allows them to pretend like they've addressed it, when all they've really done is paid the issue lip service and given it only the most cursory of thought.