Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

J64- All Kinds Of Unforsaken

Gimmie an “Oh”! Gimmie an “Emm”! Gimmie a “Gee”! What’s that spell? Weekend cliffhanger, that’s what. It’s everybody’s favorite not quite all there arcane oracle, the Hierophant. Although I don’t really think he has all that much competition in the grand scheme of things though. Maybe those creepy guys from 300 or good ol crazy 343, but our Hiero is a lot more huggable.

There’s a new DDG up in time for the holidays. Netta could beat up Santa, magical elves or not.

Next week’s comic schedule is going to be a bit wonky and even I don’t know exactly how it’s going to go. There will be three pages posted but there may be two pages posted on the same day to make up for holiday plans. We’ll find out come Monday though, lest you run screaming into the streets from a lack of Sins.

Quick Review: Sound of Thunder (movie)- From the get go. Yes I obviously knew this would be a crappy movie, but it’s one I felt compelled to see but in no way could warrant spending even the dollar at the local theater to go see it. It’s basically just a bastardization of the story and you spend an hour and a half trying to figure out why the heck Ben Kingsley is in this thing. There is no way he could need the money. How on Earth could Ben Kingsley not be rich at this point. Other than that, you just kind of stare at his bitchin’ Jimmy Swaggart hair and cringe. There’s the makings of some neat ideas in there and in competent hands, it could have been pretty entertaining, but even outside of the over the top acting and wretched writing, its buried in its own gaping logical holes. And before I even get to that, if you have a CG and effects budget only slightly larger than your average made for TV Sci FI channel Saturday afternoon Bruce Campbell movie, don’t write in a need for CG and effects every two scenes, it hurts. Anybody with even a basic understanding of the concepts of evolution could tell you that evolution does not exist to bring about humans/humans are not the ultimate expression of life/humans are not the final creatures on the planet to evolve/and on and on. Sadly, the movie doesn’t quite get this. Secondly, monkey lizards? Seriously? The highest form of life in the alternate future-past is some kind of combination of baboon and lizard? Genetics probably has something against these gorizards, but hey, you go with it. And finally, some basic ideas on cause and effect would be nice. They’d really help things out. If you muck something up 65 million years ago and then return to your present, the changes would NOT, I repeat NOOOOT, start to slowly occur in your present. There would be no sudden change in temperature, no failure of electronics, no sudden changes in animal life. Why? Because you changed THE PAST. All the changes are back then and have thus affected the timeline from then until now, it’s really quite basic. If I go and shoot somebody as a kid, I don’t return to my present and then watch the person die. He died IN THE PAST as a kid and thus his nonexistence would be quite normal for us all. And I’d probably have some police that wanted to talk with me. The timeline doesn’t go: 65 million years ago>2050>65 million years ago>2050>2050 affected by 65 million years ago. I’m completely willing to throw away any ideas of paradoxes, but this, this is just wrong. That’s why, right here and now, I am offering my services to the entertainment industry. For a rather small fee, I will watch your product, and return a simple statement of what does not make sense. If it’s salvageable, I may even offer suggestions as to how to fix it. What do you have to lose? The best you can do without me is “time waves” and monkey lizards. Just send me an email.