Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

FL7- Pick Up After Him Too

I’m back from moving once more and big thanks to Dave for stepping in while I was out!
Finally, the Virtues get to be a little fun. You do have to figure that humans are nothing more than cats and dogs to the Virtues. Godly beings do get to look down upon us a bit, but we are far better at cleaning up after ourselves and most of us don’t lick ourselves clean in front of company. Most of us...

The move was fairly uneventful, thankfully. The middle of California is a fairly boring place of desert, plains (why on earth does Bear Mountain not have any mountains?), and farms, so hooray for audio books. Although, driving passed a truck filled with fresh garlic on a ludicrously hot day makes for a fantastic smell. I will raise a “what gives” to farmers though. All of the fruit trucks had open tops and I saw easily $30 worth of fruit on the side of the road, and all of it was still fresh looking so it couldn’t have been from a previous day given the heat. An easily removed chicken wire top to the trucks could be cobbled together for less than 50 bucks worth of parts, so it would save you hundreds over the coarse of a year. Why the waste?

Quick Review: Hail to the Chimp- The single-player mode is unimaginably bad. The kind of game that you want to rub the developers’ noses in it and yell “Bad!” at them for hours. The kind of game that if it were a baby, you would shake it until it died. The design is good in theory, it has a solid engine, and the humor is damned good, but it all comes down to the computer controlled characters. All but the last two stages of the initial round are incredibly easy, but those last two ramp up in difficulty to a ludicrous amount and then when you have to go through the stages a second time to actually complete the levels (which the game doesn’t tell you or give you any inclination that you should do) it’s almost impossibly hard. Whether you trounce your opponents or come in dead last is completely random and skill has nothing to do with it. If the computer decides to pick on you or tag team you, you’re done. I had several paragraphs here that I deleted because they can just be summed up as: If you’ve ever complained that “the computer cheats”, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve played this game. No balance or even remote intelligence went into the gameplay here. It’s a poorly designed game made horrible and unplayable by a braindead and ludicrously violent AI.
I’d like to have reviewed multiplayer but I couldn’t find a single other player to play against. I tried multiple times of the day, modes, characters, ranked, unranked, but apparently it’s a barren wasteland in there. The system is poorly set up at the least. You can’t have doubles of the same character in your match, so you have to divine what other characters people would be using, and then you have to divine the length of the match they’ve chosen.
Sins Committed: Bad AI, Bad level design, uneven difficulty, cheap enemies, features poorly explained, bad method to unlock extras, empty multiplayer