Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

FL15- Sage Lazy Advice

Sharing appears to speak the painful truths of the world. You have to admit that is a pretty damned accurate description of the Sins and laziness IS just so much easier than doin’ stuff. Stuff takes time and effort. Isn’t not doing stuff so much better than actually doing stuff? Then again, you do have to weigh it against being able to wreck havoc, harass townsfolk, and battling monsters, but Sharing probably frowns upon that kind of thing. Either way, Fluffy just signed his fate to a short chapter. You’re dead to me, Fluffy, dead to me!

DDG has gone and updated its 50th page! You better click that link while it’s still young and hasn’t scheduled some collagen injections.

Quick Review: Lair- Lair is the kind of game you bring to a game design school and show the freshman. “Don’t do this. THIS is what you don’t spend a ton of money making. If you make THIS, we’ll know you failed.” Pretty much every facet of the game is so bad that I was laughing at it within minutes of turning it on. The story is boring “omg dragons r AWESOME” fantasy dreck, but I wasn’t expecting much from it to begin with in this regard. Building upon the bad story is clichéd, laughable, and downright horrible dialogue. The graphics, while impressively textured and rendered, are almost entirely brown and gray, so enemies and objectives are hard enough to see to begin with but when you add in all the smoke and particle effects during a battle, you can’t see a damned thing. I played the version patched with analogue controls, but you’re still left with an uneasy mix of analogue and motion controls that you can’t customize so you darn well better like flight controls where up is down and down is up (I don’t). Even when using analogue controls, the game still tells you the button scheme for motion controls, leading to massive confusion and having to figure out everything on your own while the game lies to you. In the tutorial stage, you get into a fight where the game tells you that pressing O causes you to attack. I pressed every button on the controller but it wasn’t until I was wildly shaking it that I found out that you have to sweep the controller from left to right to attack. Even simple design choices are flubbed. Your character moves slowly, the camera is bad and spins wildly if locked onto something, you have to sit through five minutes of company credits and splash screens every time you start up (the custom THX logo alone is maddeningly annoying to sit through more than once), you have multiple dragons you can choose from but the game doesn’t tell you which is which or what makes them unique or how their stats differ or anything to differentiate dragon A from dragon B... Just how bad the game is is enough to bring shame to the system, but how cocky and full of themselves the PR and production teams were almost makes me find joy in its utter failure.
Sins committed: Everything is brown, Boring story, Horrible dialogue, Bad controls, Bad camera