Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

VOD14- Rhett Is The New Bucket

No, Anger! “Strange woman is strange”! Just because you’ve been locked away in a Limbo-esq alterworld, that doesn’t excuse messing up your memes. If he gets his Lolsloths wrong, there’s just no hope for any of us. At least our more humanoid friends are a bit more self-aware and can pick apart their own actions. She KNOWS it’s corny, but don’t we all want the dry, cool wit of an action star in times of need?

Trading off against the action-packed underworld of Sins, a new DDG has been posted and it’s is all about the moping and angst. Yay?

There are another two Sins levels up on LittleBigPlanet! "Vice Squad Part 2" is a touch more puzzle-based than platformer and if you can protect the Host to the end, you get a key that unlocks the bonus stage "For The Hoarding!".

Providing a challenge to our acronym based links (SV, DDG, LBP, ... Ascension), Spiral has jumped on that game-based comic train and has a few WoW-inspired comics up on his site. Now we just need links on Joystiq’s Weekly Web and conquest shall be ours! Just click that fancy Ascension tower ad to your left.

Long, Quadriplegic Review: Dead Space- Dead Space is a horror game, so first and foremost, is it scary? No. It’s creepy, it’s atmospheric (not a space pun!), and it’s gory, but it isn’t scary. If you’ve ever seen a bad horror movie where they keep trying to fake you out by having glass shatter or suddenly the music plays really loud, that’s what Dead Space is like. Within the first hour of the game, you’ll be so desensitized from all of the fake scares, that the enemies and real scares won’t really bug you. And I’d really wish that people would realize that “dark” does not equal “scary”. “Dark” means “hard to see” or “frustrating”. It’s one thing in a movie because you’re passive and can’t affect what’s going on, but in a game it just means you’ll unfairly get your butt kicked by something you can’t see or you’ll walk by a door or item several times because the shadows hid it. If you watched all of the promotional comics/videos the company put out before the game’s release, they completely spoiled the story. You go into the game knowing almost exactly what the enemies are, what they’re doing, where they came from, and what happened to the crew of the ship you’re investigating. This may be the first time a company has purposefully spoiled and taken all of the intrigue out of its own game. The main character is the stereotypical mute protagonist with little to no backstory, so you really won’t get attached to him or anything. The game design is a bit of a mixed bag. For everything nice (like making your health and ammo a part of your character’s suit instead of having a HUD), they do something bad (like making all the text, audio, and video logs and your character himself block most of the camera and hide enemies). The game has a great navigator, but the camera is lousy and unwieldy. The weapons are easy to aim and use, but you have to hit enemies that attack from off camera and blend in with the dull visuals and there’s no benefit or reward for getting a headshot. It’s neat to have enemies crawl out of the ducts Aliens-style, but they frequently attack from off camera, drop down behind you, or drop on to you and the game doesn’t indicate where damage is coming from, so you’ll be spinning around in the dark and dust fighting with the camera to try to find what it is that’s leeching your health or throwing blades at you from across the screen. The shop is nice and there’s a lot to upgrade, but it requires so many items to upgrade that finding one feels almost pointless at times. After beating the game, I only had maybe half of the guns upgraded. Your missions are generally interesting but the story progresses by going “you fixed problem X, but uh oh! Problem Y just popped up” every single time. It’s science-y and kind of realistic in its approach to the world, but your character gains psychic powers/magic just for the sake of a few simple puzzles. The enemies are neat to begin with, but after a few hours it’s just “Yup, another reanimated corpse, another tentacle, another batch of small enemies designed for nothing more than to waste my health packs” and slogging through corridor after similar looking corridor. Your default weapon is very satisfying to use (with practice you’ll be able to slice off your enemies’ legs and decapitate them before they hit the ground) but the game as a whole feels like rip-off Gordon Freeman investigates rip-off Rapture in space. It does get an honorable mention for being one of the few games where you’re required to kill babies. Granted they’re parasitically infected babies trying to kill you, but nonetheless: there are babies, you shoot them, you dismember them, and you stomp on them with your big honking space boots afterwards.
And to get really nitpicky here, how are there unprotected enemies in a vacuum? I mean, serious kudos to them for the lack of sound while you’re in space, but seeing as how the enemies are really just sacks of flesh, seventh grade science class told me that they would be ripped apart. And how are they just walking and jumping around? Your character has gravity boots to hold him in place, but the enemies walk around on the outside of a moving spaceship like they were comfortably on the ground. And why are there flies everywhere? What kind of sorry spaceship is infested with flies? Unless the spontaneous generation model of creationism is back in style, just because there’s rotting meat all over the joint, that shouldn’t mean flies suddenly appear. And how can a single creature kill an entire ship full of space marines in what? An hour or two? Especially when loser engineer guy can mow down hoards of them and barely break a sweat. Just how pathetic is the military in the future? Finally, the game’s ending seems to completely invalidate the whole ordeal. ***SPOILER WARNING*** If the Hive Mind controls the bad guys and was using you to bring the Marker back, why are the bad guys attacking you? You’re the only person there to help the Hive Mind, yet it’s going out of its way to try to kill you. You eat the people that are working against you, not the one guy trying to help you. ***END OF SPOILERS***
Sins Committed: Boring, Bad pacing, Prespoiled story, Bad characters, Bad camera, Cheap hits, Backtracking/Repeated levels