Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

VOD21- Necrorrhoids

Have trouble sitting down because heíll be so excited and jumping around with joy at the happiness Lust will bring to all. Surely thatís Gluttony means by that comment. Certainly not that Lust would have something mean or degrading done to sweet, innocent Murdi.
But when Fortune runs away, she runs a looong way away, no?


Long, Glowing Yellow Review: MK vs DC- Just to get the background stuff out of the way, the Story mode for the game is awful. For the first five or six chapters, itís extremely formulaic and boring. You as a player will know whatís going on within the first ten minutes, but you go through battle after battle of the characters meeting each other and fighting out of confusion/anger/or misunderstandings. Thereís no story advancement, just ďYou shouldnít be here, so Iím going to beat you up!Ē. What happens in the story doesnít even really matter too. Youíll see a cinema where The Joker lays out Batman with a single punch but then when theyíre fighting, everything is normal and the Joker is no stronger than he was before. This is made even worse by the lousy roster. From all of the DC heroes and villains out there, they chose some of the least interesting. I mean, Deathstroke? Really? Not even the Teen Titans version of Deathstroke who kind of had some appeal, they went with the regular, boring one. Thereís a reason nobody has cared about Captain Marvel in the past 30 or 40 years, heís a wannabe Superman except he somehow managers to be even lamer. Making the story EVEN worse, it goes on way too long. Every chapter is padded out with extra fights that serve no purpose to the plot and leave you wishing for the whole thing to end. The graphics of the game donít really live up to the character designs and there are a lot of texture issues and everybody looks unnecessarily gritty and pockmarked. I canít tell if Batman just hasnít shaved in a few days or if heís been rolling around in sand and gravel because his face is a mess of splotches. The female characters really suffer. Iím sure somebody thought Sonya was really sexy, but sheís unappealing bordering on disgusting. Her breasts are bouncing and flopping all over the place, sheís incredibly shiny yet at the same time really dirty looking, and her nipples protrude through her shirt (only during matches though, they disappear in cinemas for some reason). Wonder Womanís chest is enormous, but it isnít sexy or even funny because she just looks dirty, shiny, and creepy. But, to the important things, is it a good fighter? Not by a long shot. The characters are unbalanced and the computerís skill seems to be completely random. One fight you can barely touch it and the next round youíll win an almost flawless victory using two buttons. One round I got rocked by Deathstroke (thanks character having 4-hit combos that do over 20-25% damage) and then I came back the next two rounds without a problem. The game isnít sure if it wants to be a 2D fighter or a 3D one and both modes suffer because of it. You canít play it like the original MK/SF style (you canít even hold Back to freaking block) and moving in three dimensions just draws things out because it means the enemies will endlessly evade or simply walk away from you and make you chase it down. All of the new additions to the fight seem to be more random and luck based than anything else. For both the close combat and freefall fighting, they just come down to guessing which buttons you should press without any indication what your opponent will do or how it will guess. You can go from wailing on the enemy in a freefall and then with one lucky guess, all the damage you did to it will go away and affect you instead. So with the press of one button by complete chance, you lose 25-30% of your health. You can also enter a mode where attacks become overpowered, thereís no stun time, and you canít be blocked much, but the meter builds up faster when getting hurt compared to doing damage so you can be wailing on your enemy, it will enter Rage mode, and then beat you down/drain the majority of your health/outright kill you even though you were winning the match five seconds ago. When you win by this mode, the whole battle feels hollow and pointless and when you lose by this mode, the fight feels cheap and unfair. The final boss would be right at home in an SNK fighter. Heís huge, ludicrously strong, super fast, and has attacks that reach halfway across the screen. I lost about eight rounds in a row to him (two or three or which were flawless victories on his part) when I was trying to fight him honestly, block, counter, use moves, etc. Duck was my savior and told me that all you have to do is spam this one move and I won the next two rounds without issue. Thatís how busted this crap game is. The game does almost nothing with the crossover characters and has a lousy fight engine, so youíre far better off playing an old version of MK or, better yet, SF2HD if you want something you can enjoy.
And on a personal/ranty level, what the heck is up with the move lists for modern fighting games? ďPunchĒ is not a move that needs to have a special name and be on a moves list. ďPunch, punchĒ is not a wholly separate move than needs a different name and to be on a moves list. ďPunch, punch, punchĒ is not a special move that people need to be told of; itís just pressing the normal buttons. You donít need to chronicle and name every single thing you can do. People can figure that out. If Iím looking at a moves list, Iím interested in the special or hard to do movies, not the very basics I could discover by bashing my face against the controller.
Sins Committed: Bad story, Bad characters, Bad engine, Luck-based gameplay rather than skill-based