Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

MF13- Sinsh Kabob

Maybe the problem was just that the girls weren’t specific enough? WHICH leg should valiantly fight and tear off? That thing has a few of them after all. The girls are rather stoic about watching their friend get skewered through the face though. Maybe they spent their pre-adventuring days watching lots of TV. They’ll just have to dust off their hands and save Lust. AGAIN.


Long, Why does the little crown mean to mash the button!? Review: Street Fighter 4- I already reviewed the gameplay from the launch event (long story short- The game adds nothing to SF2 and the new block move is horrible, so you may as well save your time and cash and just get SF2HDR), but now that I’ve played the story mode and online, it’s even worse. The characters’ plots make little sense even after you’ve seen how they connect together and the dialogue borders on general “what the hell...” to mind blowingly tacky. I’d mainly like to focus on something that Capcom used as a selling point: SF4 is accessible to beginners. Never has there been a more boldfaced absolute lie. Combos and special moves still require a ludicrous amount of memorization and knowledge of the game’s terminology, the new super moves are just incredibly difficult to do for some characters, and the new block doesn’t even make sense and there’s little indication why it does what it does when it does. On the easiest difficulty, I was able to blaze through all of the opponents but then it took me at least ten tries to beat the final boss. When you have the following modes: Several kinds of Hard>Medium>Easy>Very Easy> Easiest, “Easiest” should be, you know, easy! “Easiest” means I may or may not be a monkey or I’m mashing my face against the controller and yet I should still be able to complete this. If you want your final boss to be cheap and ten fold harder than every other character, save that any of the other difficulty modes. Then there’s the training mode that Capcom pushed. Only, it’s not actually a training mode. It tells you to do certain moves and combos but gives you no help or indication how to string them together. Many of them require precise timing or must be done at a certain point in the enemy’s animations but the game doesn’t tell you this or aid you in figuring it out. Just a simple “Too Late/Too Early” cue would go a long, long way. It’s as much of a newcomer friendly/training mode as sticking some random people in front of a broken engine and telling them to fix it. No matter of telling them that it should be fixed will help unless you assist them and work them through it.
Then there’s multiplayer. Maybe one out of five times you search for battles will you actually find somebody else playing. To find a match you just have to refresh the searches repeatedly. If you do get a match, chances are that by the time you select it, you’re told the match is already underway. You strive on and find an open match and you’re presented with “Unable to Play”. Okay... Why? Outside of “Error” that’s one of the least helpful error messages they could have gone with. You get this message over and over and over. After countless of those messages, you finally find a match. After three matches, I won my first fight and earned 64 ranking points. From that point on, every single person I faced had 1,500+ points. My hopes went from winning a fight to winning a round to just getting a single hit rather quickly. There’s nothing even remotely newcomer friendly about that. I couldn’t find any fights with the “Match Skill” setting, so that meant my only chances to play were against people that have clearly been playing for years and can cancel moves into other moves, chain super moves together, and somehow hurt me when I punch them. If you have 1,750 points and I have 30, I should be allowed to shoot lasers from my eyes and call down missile strikes on you. That’s the only way that fight can have an inkling of fairness.
Virtues Committed: It’s very pretty and the remixed original music is nice (just mute the game before you hear the theme song though)
Sins Committed: Everything else about this game