Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
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Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

MF42- They Grow Up So Quickly

MF42- They Grow Up So Quickly
8-17

Their mom totally marked them with some kind of radioactive dye. That or as the Sins have pointed out several times before, they’re rather unobservant.
For all we know, the twins have been out saving the world on countless occasions. Following a squirrel into the woods may have led to a mighty battle against demonic underlords. It could happen! Just look at them. Being all… cute. It’s not natural. I’d reward anybody out there that uses the girls’ excuse, but I think some of you would get fired pretty quickly. Or worse. “I wasn’t late for work, I was saving the world!” You might get away with that one once depending on how lenient/weirded out by you your boss is. “I wasn’t cheating on you, I was saving the world!”. That one… you probably won’t ever get away with.


Quick Review: Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia- CV OoE is a really nice take on the SotN-style gameplay but with a more traditional level layout, some great ideas, and a kick ass heroine. However, it's absolutely not fun. I'm a huge Castlevania geek but I got almost no enjoyment out of playing the game and it stems entirely from the cheap difficulty. Not good hard, not I have to use my brains hard, not this takes skill hard, but a completely unfair hard. Almost every enemy in the game attacks with the amazingly brilliant battle plan of... walk into the player. And it's really effing effective. If you've played any of the recent CV games, then you know there's been the trend to make the enemies larger and larger and many of the ones in this game take up the entire screen, so if they trap you in a corner or you're not in a specific spot when they attack, you're screwed. The controls in the game are pretty lousy (even though you can customize them I still couldn't find a layout that was remotely comfortable), Shanoa is Simon Belmont levels of slow, and she can't turn around/jump/move/attack quick enough to get out of her own way. When you get hit, there's isn't any invincibility time, so enemies that are faster then you will just stay inside you racking up damage. If you try to jump or slide, you'll get knocked back and if you're taking damage, you can't do a special move. You can also get juggled, so getting hit by a small enemy will often knock you into something larger and stronger to rack up the damage. The other main problem is how weak you are/how ludicrously strong everything else is. Even at the end of the game, it's a slog just to fight regular enemies because of how much health they have and you still die in two or three hits. Bosses have fairly simple patterns and are easy to damage, but they have so much health that each battle drags on into tedium. God help you if you die towards the end. I'll be honest too, I didn't even beat the game. I've gotten to Dracula, I've almost killed him a few times, but near the end of the battle he uses an attack that if you're not standing in a very specific spot, it kills you in two seconds. That's not hyperbole. It hurts you for 100+ damage several times a second and you only have about 600 HP at this point, so even assuming you can pause the game quick enough to use a healing item, you'll run out of items by the time you get to the safe spot. The fight is ten minutes long, so after dying near the end multiple times, I said nuts to this, sent the game back, and looked up the ending on Youtube. All you're left with in the end is grinding tasks. Most of the quests you get from the townsfolk have you farming a specific enemy until it drops an item or you have to farm an enemy until it releases a glyph (essentially the soul system from DoS). As much as I love the Castlevania games, this one is a tedious, unfair grind with a keen main character design.