Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

T9- It Builds Character

I like these Forces. Theyíre like incompetent versions of the Sins and Virtues, whose competence is questionable to begin with. But I canít fault them too much on this issue. How would you really KNOW you were immortal? Drink poison? Well what if it was just a bad dose of poison and wasnít lethal. Somebody stabs you or cuts your head off and you live? Well now you have to walk around for eternity without a head or with a hole in you! Old age? Do you stop growing ďoldĒ? Well even with that, what if youíre only immortal with certain things. Say you canít die of old age but can be shot. Or say you canít be killed from a gunshot but you can from a sword slash across the neck? What if Iím immortal and I donít even know it?! Think of all the things I could be doing, but nooo, Iím here breathing, eating, and putting my mitochondria to work.

But alas. Time does pass and the Winter Holiday season is finally at its most important point. Boxing Day! Hurrah for Boxing Day!
Oh, but I was involved in a fun (from my point of view) Christmas story at work. Long story short, a customer put a game on hold and it had been on hold for over a week (weíre normally just supposed to hold things for three days, but we were nice, and because nobody else wants to buy Van Helsing The Game) and then put another game on hold as well. Itís the busiest time of year for sales, so we wind up putting the games back on the shelf and the second game gets sold. Woman comes in Christmas Eve for the games, Van Helsing is there, but somebody bought that last copy of Castlevania:LoI. She immediately starts to yell at me (despite the fact that I wasnít the one that sold the game, bought the game, nor was I even working the day it was sold). She then, and this is the part I love, tells me I ďruined ChristmasĒ! I love it! Yes, Pip, yours truly, is the reason for holiday ill-will and all bad things. Sorry, folks! I couldnít help myself! Now, I could have sworn the true meaning of Christmas was family, friends, or something to do with Jesus, but apparently itís all about the Belmonts and whipping Dracula (note: that would make for one helluva good TV special. Kick Frostyís sorry butt...). Now if youíre the type whose Christmas is ruined because you didnít get an over two year old game that sells for less than $20 and will be on the shelf again in a week or two, you probably donít deserve a good holiday. Maybe Iím just playing a role in a grand cosmic moral or something. Of course, I have a bad habit that didnít help. When people yell at me I have the tendency to smirk or chuckle (because in all honesty, what does yelling accomplish? I didnít do it, I wasnít there when it was done, and I canít make the game magically appear), and this pissed the woman off more. She threatened me by wanting to talk to the owner (who doesnít work at the same store I did, she didnít like it when I told her that. He also wasnít working the 24th or 25th and she didnít like that either). So, her threat became that sheíd call him at the other store, because, ďI have all four numbers. I HAVE ALL FOUR NUMBERS!Ē (Which isnít a threat because theyíre printed on the receipts and business cards and we openly give them out about twenty times per day). She calls up the store wanting to speak to the owner (who Iím sure you remember from a few sentences [and for us about 30 seconds] ago where I said he wasnít working) and proceeded to scream and curse about me to the guys working at that store (which again, solved nothing). Simon bless us, every one.