Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

HLD14- Nepotisin

Yes, we have to bid a fond farewell to dear Craving. So many fond memories and stamps gained on her free sandwich cards. At least they had the decency to tie her arm back on and prop her up on some pillows. Because they care, dangit!
And who needs hosts? Sure killing them will collapse the Universe but it's their own fault for going so well with hot sauce and sour cream.

Long, There's sand in my shorts Review: Red Faction Guerilla- Red Faction doesn't provide you with much story upfront. You're told that the occupying force is bad and therefore your campaign of murder and explosions is wholly justified. The game's message boils down to: If you're the occupying force, terrorism is rather bad, but if you're the insurgent, terrorism is freaking awesome! Terrorists get rocket launchers, jetpacks, guns that shoot lightning, remote detonated mines that you flick all over the joint and then jet off and dive away from the explosion laughing maniacally. You can even strategically detonate bombs and have entire buildings fall on one guy. But he's not from your town so it's totally okay! He had it coming! The big problem is that when you're not being a super terrorist, the game is well, kind of boring. It takes way, way too long just to get to missions and then you have to drive somewhere else on top of that, there are only a few different types of missions, and there are only three non-vehicle enemies (guy in brown armor, guy in white armor, and guy in brown armor with a beret) and three vehicle enemies (plane, APC with gun, and tank). Sometimes the guys in brown have a shield that absorbs an extra hit and there are the feral natives but they fight exactly like the brown guys. The game's difficulty comes not from how smart enemies are or their clever tactics (in fact they're really, really, reeeeaaaally stupid) but just from how many of them there are. You can kill an entire facility worth of soldiers and they'll just keep on coming. They even spawn from thin air. I was in a room in the back of a building, cleared out that whole area, and an enemy appeared from within an empty closet for which I was standing in front of the only entrance/exit. In another mission, an enemy tank spawned from within my own characters' base camp and blocked my way in. Driving in the game is pretty lousy. Vehicles are slow, slip around on the sand, and are almost all top heavy, so the second you get airborn or drive on a ridge, you're going to flip over (which now means you have to walk to the mission. Good bye the next ten minutes of your life). One of the design decisions that blows my mind is that the characters have the entire planet of Mars to build on, have loads and loads of money, primarily move around in large trucks, and every single road in the game is a two lane road. One coming, one going. Are people in the future unable to build highways? What are they worried about? The planet isn't big enough for passing lanes? This means that there's no way to pass slow traffic without swerving into the oncoming lane or driving in the ludicrously uneven dirt... which causes you to flip over. I could understand having single lane road if you're out in the middle of nowhere but every single road in the game is that way. Any time you have a member of your squad with you or you have to protect somebody, the game becomes almost unbearable. AI characters are so braindead that they'll run towards the enemy and away from you, will jump away from cover and into fire, would rather run in circles than not die, have problems entering vehicles, and like to stand in front of your trucks so the only way forward is to run them over. The physics are kind of fun when you're just wrecking stuff, but the game rarely takes logic or weight into account. You'll regularly see buildings held up by nothing more than a ladder or a single beam no larger than your arm. You can unlock some fun cheats but you have to play for a long time to get them and you can't save if you use them. Just kicking back and playing with the super hammer cheat is good fun. And teaches you that you're a horrible, horrible human being. Being able to bat people miles away with a simple swing of your hammer is awesome and too much of a temptation to pass up.
It has a multiplayer mode but it's the same old same old poorly designed multiplayer not worth trying. It takes far too long to start a match in any mode other than Deathmatch and even then it's unstable and will drop you because it can't migrate hosts. You start with almost nothing for customization and even have to unlock different modes of play. The maps are awful and severely unbalanced. One team can wind up with a slew of sniper rifles and one hit kill weapons on their side and you get nothing but pistols. That turns the whole match into nothing but shooting fish in a barrel. You always spawn in the same area, so two guys were able to snipe or one hit kill everybody on my team seconds after they respawned. Even when it is matched, there's no balance to weapons themselves. It took me three lives to kill one guy. I would constantly spawn next to him and get as many upper body machine gun shots as I could on him but two pops from his gun would kill me right away.
It's an okay game to just goof off with and have fun in if you can't get enough of GTA style games, but do yourself a favor and pretend that the multiplayer doesn't exist.
Sins Committed: Bad vehicle segments, Repetitive, Everything is brown (well, red), Bad multiplayer, Buggy
Virtues Acted: Science fiction terrorism is fun because nobody really gets hurts and Earth totally had it coming. Lousy Earth...

Posted by Pip

HLD14- Fan art

Almost forgot, there's new fan art in the gallery! I need to look at my desktop more often...
Thanks, Jacob!