Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

FL12- Bears Are Saints

You could make the argument for Gluttony as animal. Most of the people I know don't have tentacles sprouting from their backs, so that kind of rules of your standard humanoid.
No animal has ever been cruel though, as Fletch rightfully opines. Dinosaurs? They totally delivered gift baskets to the lower mammals until that meteor wiped them out. Unicorns though? Kind of jerks. And that's why they're extinct. It's true. Look it up.


Long, Is the Nintendo Fun Club still around? Review: Punch Out (2009)- The new PO features some crisp and colorful 2D art inbetween fights but the 3D in matches is a bit blurry and makes you wonder why they didn't go full on toon shading like in Wind Waker. Despite that, it has some great animations and the characters are expressive, so you can overlook the iffy 3D models. The Punch Out theme still ranks as one of the best game songs ever and the new remixes don't disappoint. You can find versions pretty much on par with them on OCR, but the new versions are still well worth a listen. The game goes back to most of the original characters and they all look keen design-wise, but who the heck is Disco Kid? I don't remember him from the earlier games and he's reeeaaally lame, so it screams “new Nintendo” rather than “good/childhood Nintendo”. They all still maintain their completely inappropriate stereotypes and borderline/outright racism, but c'mon, “Piston Hondo”? Piston Honda= completely unacceptable! Piston Hondo= why he's most certainly not a racist caricature. I like that the characters from foreign countries aren't speaking English, but the game doesn't translate them. Are subtitles really that much to ask for? The motion controls are actually kind of fun to use, but you'll reach a point where they just don't cut it. The later fighters require split second timing but the motion controls don't allow that. Despite this being one of the few times I actually liked gimmicky controls, I had to switch over to the regular controller to move ahead in the game. You can't even use the classic controller or a Gamecube controller though. You have to use the remote sideways and that bugs me because it never feels natural or comfortable. Ultimately, the game has the same problem every Punch Out game has had. The first two belts are fun but the third is asinine. If you don't act EXACTLY when the game demands you to, you're screwed. You have to punch enemies 50 times to knock them down, you have severely limited special moves, and they ALWAYS get up before the count but you take three hits and you're down, they can break out super moves every few seconds, and you can be instantly KO'd on your first knock down. The game is great and then you hit a wall. There's almost no learning curve to it. It goes from really easy for two fights, fun for six more, and then it just gives you the finger and makes it as annoying and unenjoyable as possible for the rest. There's no real sense of satisfaction when you beat opponents because of this. You weren't fighting any smarter or using a better strategy, it's just you hit the button .01 seconds quicker that time and that's why you won. Even for the most devout Punch Out fans, you're not really getting much bang for your buck if you buy the game. I was at the end of the game in less than two hours and the extra mode you unlock is just the same characters with a new gimmick, so you're really looking at most 4 hours of gameplay unless you want to waste time doing every little extra objective to beat the same few characters in practice mode. A rental at most for some and a harsh reminder of why you should tell your inner child to shut the hell up when he starts going on about nostalgia for others.
Sins Committed: Fake difficulty, Short, Motion controls are slow to respond or miss input
Virtues Acted: Good art, Good animation, Good music, King Hippo is still oddly awesome and I don't really know why