Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

FL25- 400 cc Of Sunshine And Fortune

Bad choice of words to use around Gluttony. Especially when Pride's fresh, blood-filled is sitting right there. Should have snagged her I kid form! Their legs are shorter so they're easily to catch.
Fortune defiled the heck out of that former temple. From Grandeur's shiny temple to... a playground. That's just attracted small humans, happiness, and good times. It's wrong! Wrong, I say!


Long, More robotic than the Bionic Commando but oh so much worse Review: Spyborgs- One stupid decision will clue you into how lame this game is from the get go: invisible crates. The game tells almost no story at all and instead you have to find tapes scattered across levels to get the backstory. BUT the tapes are invisible. Yeah, so despite actually trying to hear the story and being willing to overlook that people in the future are recording messages on technology that's no longer used today, the game makes all attempts to prevent you from doing so. I could only find about half of the tapes on my first go through and the ones I replayed stages to get all came from slowly walking through levels waving the remote around like mad hoping I'd accidentally highlight one of the freaking INVISIBLE story tapes. When you actually do find them all, you pretty much get nothing. It's all basically a bunch of characters that never get mentioned elsewhere doing things that have little to no bearing on your mission outside of information that's given in the instruction manual and probably only served to set up a sequel that we can all pray will never come. Everything takes so long to kill but if you get hit three times, you're dead. Health and damage upgrades are ludicrously expensive but every time you actually save up enough to buy one, the game just rolls out a stronger enemy so you're back to dying in three hits and enemies taking what seems like minutes of repeated pummeling to injure again. In good beat em ups like Final Fight or Streets of Rage, even when you were getting wailed on dying quickly, you still had multiple lives. Not here though. It's a few hits, then you're dead, and you have to do the whole level all over again. No carrying over your energy or experience, no lives, and no checkpoints in levels. You have an AI partner to supposedly help you out but it blocks the camera, randomly does well or awful (it can go long stretches without taking any damage or gets its butt kicked by minor enemies), and you can't move through it so it stands between you and enemies. The game is actually harder to play because of how much of a pain your partner is. Even if you're doing fine fighting an enemy by yourself, it will run away from its fight, jump in front of you, push the enemy away from you, block you from hitting it, and the enemy that was abandoned has now recovered and is lobbing grenades at you again. Even if you let your partner die, it will just respawn at the end of the fight so you can never free yourself from its godawful annoying presence. The camera frequently finds its way behind objects, the screen is cluttered, or they went so overboard with lighting effects that you can't see the enemy or know when to block or dodge. Not only does the game overuse quick time events, but they're horribly buggy on top of it. The prompt will show up to press A, you press it, and it appears that nothing has happened. The prompt doesn't go away and your character isn't acting, but if you press the button again thinking that for some reason it didn't recognize the input, you'll fail that QTE and take damage/the boss gets health back. Sometimes you'll just fail a QTE for no explainable reason. You'll somehow fail QTEs before the prompt has even appeared so there's no way you could have known what to press. The QTE super moves aren't really worth doing because you're still getting hurt while doing the move animation. The amount of damage you'll take winding up for the move or coming out of it is greater than what you'd take just fighting normally, so it's more wise to just not use the moves unless you're fighting a single enemy, but when you're down to one foe, why bother doing the super move at all. Enemies can walk through walls and unless you can find them, you have to start the stage all over again because you can't move on until you kill everything. They seem to be able to walk into the wall but not walk out, so you spend time hugging walls until you get hit by something and then flailing about hoping you hit what's in the wall. If you can manage to struggle though all the levels, the game ends with a fight against a character that was only seen in the instruction booklet. You blow him up and then the game just suddenly ends. There's a short bit after the credits but it just sets up for a sequel despite the fact that they couldn't even go remotely in-depth on the first one. It's no shocker that the game dropped in price from $50 to $10 in just a matter of months, but even at $10, it's still just a bad game.
Sins Committed: Bad story, Bad Characters, Bad Combat, False difficulty, Buggy
Virtues Acted: The ninja girl has a nice figure?