Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

FL26- The Evil Stork brought Him Back

Hey, at least they had the decency to bring him home first. That has to count for SOME kind of redemption. They could have just left him in a market or even sold him! Granted, kids that are withdrawn and twitchy don't really go for much on the black market.
There's something amusingly neglectful about referring to your son as “the boy”. I'm sure his mother is plenty nice though. With enough hugs and homemade cookies and only a dash of counseling, Fletch will be up and active and have totally convinced himself that the whole ordeal was just a bad dream and that gauntlet is only stuck on his arm because of an unfortunate accident with super glue.

The Cast page has been updated with Gorging, Fletch, and Slander. Slander who I'm like 99% sure I had drawn a bio picture for a few years ago but apparently never uploaded...


Long, A bowl cut would be an improvement Review: Rygar (Wii)- Rygar did not age gracefully. I'm not referring to the ye oldey arcade or NES games. No, Rygar managed to turn lousy in the few years it took to port a PS2 game to the Wii. This game is incredibly difficult but only due to how terrible the character controls and moves and because you're frequently getting wailed on from offscreen. You have no control over the camera but instead of making sure fights take place in an area you can see, like God of War did with its stationary view, the camera here often zooms far out, goes behind something, or faces away from where enemies are placed so just playing the game becomes an enormous hassle. There's nothing that ties the game together. You just run around an area with no direction, you'll stumble upon a gated area, you run around a bit more, you find something that opens the gate, and then you go to the new area and repeat the process. The game's hub world is just a mash of screens that seem to have nothing to do with each other or any kind of logical flow of where to go. The plot is cheesy at best and often wanders into “what the hell just happened” with absolutely no shame. It's bad enough when you butcher mythology but when you use real historical figures and have absolutely no respect for them, that's unforgivable. Spoiler alert, but the game's secondary villain is Aristotle. Yes, the real Aristotle. But he's not just your friendly neighborhood philosopher here. He's apparently decided to consume the blood of the Titans and has become a blue, winged demon that wields two swords and calls himself “Icarus”. Aristotle. With class like that, just wait until you find out who the other villain and main character really are and soak in the plot twists. The princess is quite clearly modeled on Britney Spears and she actually breaks out into song in the middle of a cutscene. The voice acting isn't really much to get excited about either, because the actors sure couldn't generate any interest. If the game weren't so horrible it would almost be worth playing for the train wreck that is the characters and story. Something worthy of special mention is Rygar's hair. In the PS2 version, he just had normal medium length brown hair. But on the Wii... Seriously, Google it. Type in “Rygar Wii” and check out his 'do. It's bright white and so ostentatious that even Final Fantasy characters would think it was a bit over the top. The game can't even handle it well. It's constantly clipping through objects in cutscenes and looks so bizarre. He's supposed to be Roman/Egyptian! That hair is just obscene.
Sins Committed: Bad camera, Bad story, Bad characters, Bad combat, Bad writing, Bad acting, His hair
Virtues Acted: His hair


Posted by Pip

FL26- The Evil Stork Brought Him Back

Hey, at least they had the decency to bring him home first. That has to count for SOME kind of redemption. They could have just left him in a market or even sold him! Granted, kids that are withdrawn and twitchy don't really go for much on the black market.
There's something amusingly neglectful about referring to your son as “the boy”. I'm sure his mother is plenty nice though. With enough hugs and homemade cookies and only a dash of counseling, Fletch will be up and active and have totally convinced himself that the whole ordeal was just a bad dream and that gauntlet is only stuck on his arm because of an unfortunate accident with super glue.

The Cast page has been updated with Gorging, Fletch, and Slander. Slander who I'm like 99% sure I had drawn a bio picture for a few years ago but apparently never uploaded...


Long, A bowl cut would be an improvement Review: Rygar (Wii)- Rygar did not age gracefully. I'm not referring to the ye oldey arcade or NES games. No, Rygar managed to turn lousy in the few years it took to port a PS2 game to the Wii. This game is incredibly difficult but only due to how terrible the character controls and moves and because you're frequently getting wailed on from offscreen. You have no control over the camera but instead of making sure fights take place in an area you can see, like God of War did with its stationary view, the camera here often zooms far out, goes behind something, or faces away from where enemies are placed so just playing the game becomes an enormous hassle. There's nothing that ties the game together. You just run around an area with no direction, you'll stumble upon a gated area, you run around a bit more, you find something that opens the gate, and then you go to the new area and repeat the process. The game's hub world is just a mash of screens that seem to have nothing to do with each other or any kind of logical flow of where to go. The plot is cheesy at best and often wanders into “what the hell just happened” with absolutely no shame. It's bad enough when you butcher mythology but when you use real historical figures and have absolutely no respect for them, that's unforgivable. Spoiler alert, but the game's secondary villain is Aristotle. Yes, the real Aristotle. But he's not just your friendly neighborhood philosopher here. He's apparently decided to consume the blood of the Titans and has become a blue, winged demon that wields two swords and calls himself “Icarus”. Aristotle. With class like that, just wait until you find out who the other villain and main character really are and soak in the plot twists. The princess is quite clearly modeled on Britney Spears and she actually breaks out into song in the middle of a cutscene. The voice acting isn't really much to get excited about either, because the actors sure couldn't generate any interest. If the game weren't so horrible it would almost be worth playing for the train wreck that is the characters and story. Something worthy of special mention is Rygar's hair. In the PS2 version, he just had normal medium length brown hair. But on the Wii... Seriously, Google it. Type in “Rygar Wii” and check out his 'do. It's bright white and so ostentatious that even Final Fantasy characters would think it was a bit over the top. The game can't even handle it well. It's constantly clipping through objects in cutscenes and looks so bizarre. He's supposed to be Roman/Egyptian! That hair is just obscene.
Sins Committed: Bad camera, Bad story, Bad characters, Bad combat, Bad writing, Bad acting, His hair
Virtues Acted: His hair


Posted by Pip

Acck

Double the news, I guess. Read it twice!