Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

MT7- If The Tent Is A Rockin

I've never actually been camping but I have assembled a crappy child's tent set and that was confusing enough thanks to really bad instructions. If there are enough cartoons with characters being impaled or having tents collapse on them, then it can't be a natural act.
Look at cute li'l Anger there getting all the head scratches. Who's a good boy! Oh and yeah, Maxwell is bound and gagged. That's kind of off.

Long, Games with Toriyama characters are never good and yes that includes Chrono Trigger Review: Blue Dragon Plus- Your early bad sign is the typo right at the beginning of the game, which is then followed by another a few moments later. This was going to be just a Quick Review because there's really no denying that this game is just bad. Bad to the point that there's little reason to really get into it because it would have to be remade from the ground up to get anywhere with it bad, but then I started rambling and it became a Long Review. Your characters are slow. It's not just that they walk slowly but in the heat of battle the character is skipping in a manner so slow that it would basically have to defy gravity to prevent him from falling on his face thanks to a lack of forward momentum. Nobody can walk in diagonals either so they all walk in these jagged 90 degree angles that, even if they weren't horribly slow to begin with, makes battles drag on. You have slow, restricted movement right there so let's tack on bad pathfinding and the fact that the AI can't prioritize even simple decisions. They can't even walk in a straight line when you give your troops orders. You have the ability to tell your entire team to move to one point but it just doesn't work. They mill around, walk back and forth, or just go off in odd directions. I sent my team up to fight a boss and only two of the four characters actually made it to him. My tank wandered off and started fighting random enemy on his own and my healer walked to the other side of the room. To move people, you have to just take it in short steps and move two people up a few spaces, then the other two, then move them one by one up stairs, and then one by one position them to fight enemies or else your ranged fighters will stand next to enemies and block the guys that fight up close. It's as if the characters can't grasp that when moving in a formation, the other other troops are going to be moving too. The second person in line won't walk forward because the space in front of him is occupied so he wanders off to find a new path, but anybody with half a brain would know that the first person in line is going to move forward too and make an empty space that the second person could have walked to. Trying to get your characters together for an area of attack heal or buff is a painful and frustrating experience. The best strategy is to arrange your characters in a decent formation with strong guys up front, magic guys in the back, etc and then just sit there and wait for the enemy to come to you. This game is so bad that just sitting there and staring at the screen doing nothing is the best way to play it. And every battle is like this. It's one tedious plod after another and you have little to no motivation to go through with it thanks to the most cliched and uninteresting story and characters you could find in a modern game. It feels like somebody wrote up a checklist of bad JRPG tropes and made sure to fit them all in. Anybody have amnesia yet? Nope? Then let's add a character who can't remember her past! And of course in true JRPG fashion, nobody ever shuts up. Almost every screen you go to has several minutes of exposition that never seem to really advance the plot or tell you anything. Look, the two guys are fighting about how one is too reckless and the other is too analytical... Again... For the third time this mission... Even if this game was released ten years, it would feel stale. I got about 1/4 of the way through the game but I couldn't muster the resolve to finish it. The gameplay is terrible and nothing about the story or characters made me willing to overlook that.
Sins Committed: I can't even muster enough caring to list them all. It's just bad.
Virtues Acted: I paid 50 cents for this game and I STILL hated it. See? Rambling. Or Ranting.