Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
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Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

MT16- Word Is She Likes Carrots In Tomato Sauce

The Envies run in some weird circles, man. Hitting on succubi, possessing them, staring at party-goers' butts... They're a messed up breed. Plus they're generally unliked so having one be your sole back-up on a plot doesn't really work out to any grand advantage. Greed shootin' him down with a wave of the hand. In your gourd face!


Quick Review: Star Ocean: the Last Hope- They can't go five minutes until they hit the JRPG cliches. I was 90% sure I'd already played the game during the opening cutscene and that's never a good sign. It's indistinguishable from ANY JRPG's intro. You start with World War 3 (that's kind of keen) and then it's immediately ruined by the main characters appearing and opening their mouths. Next, you're off to a lengthy, slow, clunky tutorial (where I encountered my first bug, the game wouldn't recognize that
I completed the camera tutorial that consisted of the awesome task of "pressing R3" a few times) and you're assaulted with Welch, the over the top anime girl with a squeaky voice that never stops flashing you the V sign and needed to shut her face five minutes ago. It's so generic that even the sound effects are ripped directly from Final Fantasy. And there's a character named "Lightspeed Kenny". No offense to any readers out there named Kenny, but that is not an awe-inspiring title when splapped together with “Lightspeed”. Once you finally get into the game, the camera is clunky and up too close and the character movements is incredibly jerky. The braindead AI, won't heal themselves, won't move out of the enemy's way, and waste their magic by using spells on enemies we can defeat in a one combo. It takes six button presses to save your game when you get to a checkpoint. Is the "Would you like to continue saving your game?" screen really all that necessary? Less than an hour into the game I was already skipping cutscenes and telling characters I hate them. Time to quit playing.