Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

TF6- Guidance Counselor Never Gave Me That Option

More dreaded than the punches, scythe, or squiggly butt tripping! Also more dreaded than frat guys drawing on you while you're drunk and passed out. Lust at least uses water soluble paint when shaming you while you're passed out and possessed. But hey, little kids need to learn about the thieving body some time. Better to do it early too or else they grow up all screwy. Apparently the same goes for dog-cat-rat things.

Death Jr.: Root of Evil- DJ is a series I can't help but pull for it. It's comedy horror, you play as the Grim Reaper's kid, and you fight with a scythe. Those are pretty strong elements for making a good game. Ordinarily. The gameplay is pretty good too and comes across as Ratchet and Clank without a budget. The level themes are cute and fit the comedy horror aspect well, the music is good and atmospheric, and, aside from the two main characters horrible snaps at each other, the writing is enjoyable for the most part. Something about the games is always just... off. The camera is too close and won't sit still, the shooting would really benefit from a lock-on mechanism, and the game can be a bit wonky about recognizing jumps or pulling yourself up but it goes beyond that. I always feel that I should be having more fun than I actually am. Individually, each component is good enough but when you put them all together I think it's that all the small annoyances or missteps drag it down. Enemies constantly spawn behind you even after clearing out a room. The damage is completely uneven because there's no invincibility time after being hit so getting shot can either take off the smallest sliver of your health or take away half your life depending on what the game feels like. Your character has a three hit combo, but the first two hits are completely pointless. The third hit will kill an enemy in or break an object in one shot, but the first two hits take six or seven shots to kill or break something. The story doesn't really make sense at parts and you feel that there are missing chapters. One mission has you sent out to find a chemical and then once you find it, you immediately use it on something nonsensical so there was no point in doing the mission anyway. Your characters compose some grand scheme for defeating the final boss, but it never really comes to anything. You pretty much spend the whole battle fighting her like every other enemy, which makes the last few hours of gameplay thematically pointless. The 2D art on the case and such is really nice and the disc itself is awesome, so it's a bit of a letdown that the in-game models don't look anything like the hand-drawn work. It's really obvious that this is a handheld game reworked to play on a console. The back of the box claims that there are over 45 different kinds of enemies, but that's a totally lie. There are probably less than 10 unique enemies in the game, they just get reskinned every few levels. You can't change an enemy's color and say it's totally different. It's not a terrible game, just one that needed a few more months in testing and refinement. It's deep within the bargain bin at this point, so if you have absolutely nothing else to play, it's worth a shot.
Sins Committed: Bad camera, Bad controls, Bad level design
Virtues Acted: Good music, Good characters, Good style, Embedding a scythe in mall security's zombified head