Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

TF10- Sinterning At The Office

Work, the bane of the living AND undead. Lust made the ultimate sacrifice though. All so bums like Pride can sit back and I don't know, eat candy and watch bad daytime TV. Greed looks pretty keen with ostentatious jewelry. All he needs is a giant pinky ring, an LED visor, and maybe some hoop earrings and he'd be boss. Oh, that's right, boss!
That's the end of this little mini arc but it shall lead into the next one, the one that got outvoted by the Downfall flashback. You'll learn to regret the error of your miss-votes!

The hat in the merch store (Link in the Swag section, convenient for shameless plugs) has been changed to a new design “Sloth in Hats”. As always, if you want the design on something else or want any different design on items, I can switch them around.

Long, Send it back to burn Review: Freekscape- I wasn't able to find many reviews for this game and the board on Gamefaqs is all but a ghosttown, but after playing it, I think I know why. Nobody else has actually played this game. Any company that claims to have reviewed it and I'm fairly certain every single person at the studio that released it has passed on playing it as well. Sure they designed it and put it together, but I think everybody stopped there. Nobody actually picked up the finished product and bothered to see if it was fun or actually just worked. It's a terrible combination of a puzzle game and a platformer but both aspects are trash and they're mixed together so poorly that you can finally get across a series of jumps only to not perform the puzzle aspect perfectly so you have to kill yourself and do it all over again. And the majority of the puzzles involve stringing together a series of moves in a specific order but it's done entirely through trial and error so you'll have to replay the puzzles multiple times anyway and now there's a crappy platforming section to drag it out even more. The character is slippery, has trouble lining himself up for jumps, and slides off the edge of platforms for no discernible reason. It's completely a 2D game, but the camera shifts and moves in 3D and there's a frequently reoccurring bug where your character changes axis after touching an object, so while you only ever need to walk left and right, you'll find yourself unable to move anywhere but in-out. The platforms don't have a lot of depth so you can be running along to the right, the game glitches and then you find yourself running towards the screen, and before you can react, he's run off the screen and died. For a game that relies on some near pixel perfect jumps and has a slippery character, they don't even let you use the dpad to move around (keep in mind that the right analogue stick does nothing so they could have easily made the left stick and the dpad move your character and stuck the camera on the right one). You're forced to use the analogue stick because the camera is controlled by the dpad since the designs were too incompetent to put the levels together in a way that would allow you to actually see where you have to jump to. Platforming sections break down to: jump, walk to the edge, use the camera to find where the next platform actually is, and repeat. Plus, since the game is set up to move the levels around in 3D, the platform you're looking for may not even be on the same X or Y axis that you're on and when you jump, the game will shift along the z axis. So in essence you're jumping to the right but actually jumping back away from where you're standing. There are no instructions outside of the in-game help messages on the first level but they don't tell you some things you need to know or what items do or how to get them. The pause menu lists a bunch of seals I can get and the map shows what level you get them in, but I don't know if I have to do something to find them as an item, if I have to earn them by doing something special, or what they even do. There are a bunch of locked items that you can't use until you find two other items, so just finding one secret item doesn't have any payoff. You have to find the other item it joins with and then you have to find the portal it goes to in one of the levels, which is also unmarked. There are some tips while the levels load but the messages clear in a second or two so you don't have enough time to read them, but then you have to stare at a black screen for several seconds before the level starts anyway. I found a game breaking bug in one of the earlier levels. I spent 15 minutes trying to find ways around it, but I had to give up and start the level over from scratch. The levels are only a few minutes long too, so I spent three times longer trying to fix a bug than just redoing it from the get-go. That kind of says a lot. I ran into the same bug several times across other levels, but I could always find a way to trick the game into acting properly. According to the map, I was only 26% done with the game when I threw in the towel. The final straw was an area where all I had to do is carry one enemy from one point on the map, over some platforms, put it down, pick up a second enemy, throw it over to a different platform, pick up the first enemy again, join the second enemy on its platform, and use the second enemy to open a door. That sounds relatively easy in theory, but it all falls apart in practice. The two enemies fight other and will knock you or each other off their axis and off the board, causing you to restart the area because if enemy one dies, there's no way to complete the puzzle. In the amount of time it takes to put one enemy down and pick the other one up, the first enemy has recovered and is attacking you and knocking the other enemy out of your hand. Even if you get it down to a point where you can actually pick up enemy two without enemy one attacking you, get to the ledge, and throw enemy two across the pit, it just walks off the platform and kills itself. Every single other enemy in the game (including other enemies of the same type) will hit the edge of a platform and turn around. Not this guy. This guy walks off the ledge and dies just to screw with you. Freekscape may not be the worst game I've ever played but it's one of the worst kinds. The graphics, characters, and pieces are all there but nobody gave two thoughts into actually assembling them into a manner that functioned.
Sins Committed: Buggy, Bad camera, Bad level design, Bad controls, Unexplained features, Long load times
Virtues Acted: One of the enemies is named “Oingo Boingo”