Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

AD50- There One Minute Gone The Next

Aww, Murd fails at being a decent human being. Call him in to patch up a busted Rhett and he can handle it, but just try to get him to stick around for the tales of woe of a little girl and he's gone. Maybe it's just the kid's fault. Lose one set of parents and it's a tragedy. Lose a second set and you're going to start to make people wonder... She's whatever the kid variant of a black widow is! Run, Lust, run!

A new voting incentive is up for Sins on TWC! Vote for us with the link below the comic and savor it, knowing that much like Rhett's limbs, it's going to be gone one day. It's deep, I know.

Long, Everybody has a horrible name Review: Zenonia (DS)- I'm not sure if I liked this game or if a part of my brain was just telling me I liked it because there are so few decent action-adventure games on the market. It's a bit hard to steer your character or line him up because you runs along the environment and tracks edges. If you come up to a box and want to break it, unless you're dead on, he'll hit the box and then run around it. Except for enemies who have a barrier than extends several spaces beyond where they actually are for some reason. The graphics are really nice and cute to boot. The game is the standard RPG overly exposition heavy bore at times coupled with the typical JPRG characters that won't explain something in one line when they can stretch it out into 3 paragraphs, but it has its amusing moments and occasional mockery of RPG tropes to get you through the dull bits. But don't let the cutesy look fool you, this game means serious business. Enemies respawn way too quickly, they're ludicrously aggressive, they hit hard, and they will debuff the crud out of you with status effects. Then just for the heck of it, the game stacks the deck against you even more. Items deteriorate over time and will break and become useless if you don't keep fixing them but fixing them has a chance to lower their max strength too. Your character also deteriorates over time and you constantly have to feed him or else he can't do special moves. You have plenty of money and items to fix these two but it just adds extra steps and hassles that aren't fun. You have to pause and eat something every five minutes or find the blacksmith in every town to fix your items and carry backups in case good stuff breaks in the middle of a dungeon. The translation is horrible to the point that some scenes are just confusing. At one point your character yells "woose" at another character. It took me a few moments to realize that it's supposed to be "wuss". Some other favorites were that your character eats "stakes" and the "Wheel of Destination" instead of "Destiny". All of this could be overlooked if the game weren't so cheaply unfair. Enemies and their nonstop status effects go up in levels extremely quickly causing you to have to grind for days to keep up. And I mean “days” in real world time, not game time. It took me four days worth of playing to grind levels just to keep up with enemies from one dungeon to the next. All of the game's bosses can also heal themselves an infinite number of times. If you can't take off the final quarter of their health in a roughly two second period, the battle can drag on for a very long time. You just have to keep killing them over and over and over until they stop healing. Fortunately, there's a pretty blatant bug that gives you unlimited lives. Normally, you have to either buy a revive for gold or lose 10% of your experience and damage all your items, but even if you don't have any money nothing stops you from "buying" the revive. You revive without the penalties and can continue on your way because the game doesn't perform even the most basic “can you actually afford this” check. Money has no use at the end of the game because enemies drop better items than you can buy and everything in the stores is insanely expensive. Once I found this out, I stopped grinding and just blew through the final dungeons. I probably died over 50 times getting through the final dungeon (enemies would kill me in one or two hits) but who cares? I got knocked down, admitted I was poor, and went along on my merry way. I went through the game a second time to see the other side of the story (you can be good or evil) and played as the warrior class that time and that's how the game is meant to be played. Warriors can actually take more than two hits before they die! Unfortunately, the story doesn't really change much depending on who you ally with. Almost all the text and situations are the same, it's just a different person saying the same thing to you. The accuracy stat is killing action-RPGs and I totally blame KRPGS for it. An inordinate amounts of your attacks will miss even if you standing right next to an enemy. Imagine Zelda games telling that despite the fact you just clearly saw your character hit the enemy with your sword you missed because some magical invisible dice say so. Hell, imagine that bull in any other genre. Mario jumps on a Goomba only to have nothing happen. Bald Space Marine #558 shoots an alien with a rocket launcher at point blank range and it "misses". A Queen takes a pawn only to have the pawn stay on the board. It's an idiotic design decision that has no place in any game, much less an action game.
Sins Committed: Bad controls, Bad design, Cheap enemies, Artificial difficulty, Slow to level up
Virtues Acted: Good graphics, Modern additions to old school gameplay, Seriously, who names their kid “Regret”?!