Copyright Adam Schlosser
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Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


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AD52- Better Parenting Through Slideshows

If Lust and Rhett are this bad at explaining something as simple as “your mom is an unholy demonic spirit born from the evils of humanity and your pop is an undead abomination resurrected by a hermetic scientist your evil mom is paying” just think how bad they're going to be when it comes to teaching her how to drive. But really, these are the kinds of things they should be teaching kids in the schools. Lousy education system making parents deal with their own offspring... Then again, my parents taught us the birds and the bees with a VHS tape. And look how messed up I turned out! Should have gone with laserdisc. Buuut I did get grossed out and stopped watching so maybe that's more to blame for my foibles. I love the word “foible”.

To our dear reader Eric from San Jose, thank you kindly for your donation but I wasn't able to send you this month's wallpaper. My email was bounced back with an error, so if you have an alternate email address, please let me know!

And speaking of donations, a new DDG is up! Click on that tab to the left there. Click it!


Long, Put on sunglasses and say “Yeah” Review: Miami Law- The game plays a lot like Phoenix Wright but with action sequences. In-between talking to people and searching for clues, you get into a few car chases, bomb threats, and shootouts. All the action is done in simple mini-games, but almost all of them are fun. Some are super simple and idiot proof (tap the screen to dust for prints and blow in the mic to clear the dust to find evidence) to simplified versions of more complex actions (shootouts are like Time Crisis with only three enemies and all you have to do in car chases is steer). You get to switch off between the cop that doesn't play by the rules and the FBI handler that's by the books and they typically have their own mini-games with the cop more prone to shootouts and the FBI agent more likely to have to do some hacking or rewire something. For some reason, you have to click on buttons twice. It's a touch screen intensive game, but the first tap only highlights and then the second tap selects it, but there's no reason it couldn't have just be a one tap selection. The story is unfortunately trial and error based. At certain points, there's just no way to know which decision is the proper one and if you make one wrong move, it can be an instant game over. You'll also be faced with times when you don't have an objective. You just have to walk around, examine everything, talk to everybody, and so on until an event happens that gives you a purpose. You don't need an FAQ or walk-through because the game is hard, but you definitely need one if you want the game to have any sense of pacing or fun. It's fairly difficult to tell if the game was intended to be funny or if you should be taking it seriously. It has some heavy issues but everybody is completely flippant about it. Either Miami PD stops bombing attempts and deals with treason and international drama on a weekly basis or these are the two most chill law enforcement officers ever. I chose to look at it like they're two cops from a tame 80's cop show thrust into a 2010 police drama. "Crockett and Tubbs, the Ice Truck Killer is chopping up hookers. Go casually stop him!" It makes the game so much more enjoyable hoping that any minute now they're going to break down and admit that they're completely ill-suited for the horrors of modern police work. Or that you'll get into a knife fight with David Caruso. I have unreal expectations for video games. Also enforcing the dated TV feel, everybody just blatantly sexually harasses the female agent and not only does she not care, she's somewhat flattered by it.
Sins Committed: Bad interface, Trial and error gameplay
Virtues Acted: Fun minigames, Funny story (possibly unintentionally though), It gave me a reason to look up and learn the names of the guys from Miami Vice