Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

BR18- Spare The Megalomania Spoil The Child

Lust is a total sucker for outfits. Plus, she has plenty of experience with crazy ones, heroic or not! Of course, Bax's mom deemed her super duds as unfit for being around children, but Breck seems like she's cool. And if you can't fight crime wearing eight-inch heels, are you really that good of a hero?
Who wouldn't want to have collared Fortune on their team? She's adorable!

There's a new TWC voting image for the new week! Continuing the super hero costume theme with the first part of a new “series” for the voting incentives: What Could Have Been. The Sins take a look at how they would have turned out if they joined other Forces or teams. I showed restraint and didn't call it “What Could Have Sin” so I feel I deserve some kind of praise for that. Vote and view the image or I start up with the horrible puns again! Or vote because you love the comic, want to support it, and have an overpowering urge to see a picture that contains a floating Sloth.


Long, next gen Alfred is still creepy Review: Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles- It's pretty much the same thing as the previous Chronicles game. There are really no improvements whatsoever so if you liked the first one, you'll probably like this one, but if you didn't like the first one, it's a cash-in. The characters still have necks made of spaghetti so you can't aim because the camera jolts around and randomly firing at the screen almost feels like a strategy. In addition to that, it never feels like it was fair or your fault when you get hurt. Two enemies pop out at the same time and you have to chose which order to kill them in. If you start with the one on the left, the one on the right attacks first and you get hurt. If you start on the right, you can kill both without being hurt. When you die and have to do the stage over, you now know to go for the one on the right first but there was no way to know that ahead of time. It's cheap tactics like that that make the game heavily reliant on trial and error rather than skill or being a good shot. Enemies are also randomly invincible for flow issues. The game is scripted to have zombie X break down a fence to open the next area, but you don't know this and it's in your firing area but no matter how many times you shoot it, you can't kill it until it breaks the fence. Not knowing this, you've probably wasted a lot of ammo and will be reloading when the zombie magically becomes vulnerable again. A simple "Wait" like Time Crisis uses for scripted moments would have gone a long way. Even for Resident Evil, the characters act like idiots. In the first stage alone, Leon, who has has been trained to be a cop and is a government agent with experience fighting zombies and B.O.W.s is unable to identify a zombie in an area where Umbrella is known to be working, that has reports of missing civilians, and that the characters proclaim smells like death, can't keep steady when facing a single zombie, and proposes that rather than fight a creature that can swim and is built for water travel on dry land, they should fight it in a river of murky water. I know I'm being nitpicky and some of it may be because Leon is the worst of the RE survivors, in that first level, you enter a room and a guy on the left side of the room is moaning. The characters look around for him and the first thing Leon does is turn his head to the right and look over the shelves on the wall. Now, not only does this mean Leon can't distinguish sounds coming from his left/right, but he's so dumb that he thinks an injured person might somehow be on a shelf hanging on the wall. Good job there, Leon. No wonder the government trusted you so much. I think this collection is really just designed to get you to root for the series's villains. I mean, honestly, who is better: Leon or Krauser? Alexia or Steve? Chris or Wesker? The bad guy from each of those games is far more tolerable and in some cases downright likable compared to the heroes. The level design keeps reusing the same "scare". You'll walk through a hallway with corpses, get to the end of the hallway, turn around, and all the corpses are up as zombies. It's such a horror movie staple so not only is it not scary, but it's to be completely expected, yet the game does this on every single level. You're also not "allowed" to injure the corpses so now many how many bullets you pump into them when they're lifeless, when they get up, the zombies are at full strength. To unlock items and the material to upgrade weapons, you have to randomly fire at objects in stages like lights, trash cans, boxes, and so forth. Not only is this really boring because there's no indication what holds an item and what doesn't, but you don't have much time to do this because of the swinging camera and it's teaching horrible habits. Wasting your ammo and shooting out lights are things the game rewards? When the zombies take over and I die in a dark room because some guy shot out all the lamps while looking for files, I'm blaming Capcom. The game is designed to be replayed multiple times (you really have to grind to upgrade weapons) but there are a lot of slow, scripted, or story moments that you can't skip so you wind up sitting through a lot of repeated dialogue and, let's face it, Resident Evil isn't known for fantastic dialogue. I went through the whole game and replayed some missions multiple times specifically to get money for upgrades and I couldn't even max out the base handgun by the time the story ended. That's like one of eight weapons and I couldn't do it on a more than full playthrough. Upgrading should have been based on points rather than money. Not only would this reward skill but it would also cut down on the pointless randomly shooting at things in the background aspect of the series. The story is set up that it takes place on Leon and Krauser's first mission together and Leon tells Krauser about the events of RE2 in a flashback (and Leon somehow knows every single thing that happened in Code Veronica even though he's not even in that game), but for some reason your ammo transcends time and space. If you fire a few rounds with your shotgun in the present, Leon will somehow have less shotgun ammo in the flashback. Wh-what? There are a few nods to Outbreak which were a nice touch. You remark on the giant plant you fought in the lab and you go through a nest with the giant moths. One hilariously poorly written moment is at the end of the RE2 flashback where Birkin's wife is talking to him after he's mutated. She does the usual "Don't you remember me?!" moment and holds up her hand showing her wedding ring. The camera then pans over to G-Virus Birkin with his mutated hideous body that's five times larger than it was before and there on his hand is a perfectly sized wedding ring. What?! Did he opt for the morphing option at the jeweler's? Maybe Annette should have hers assessed to find out if it's just a rubber band he spray painted. I know this is RE, but come on. If they just got rid of the shakey camera, cheap difficulty, and didn't require grinding for upgrades, the Chronicles series could be sooo good. I love light gun games and as lame as it is at times, I adore Resident Evil's continuing storyline. I'm one of the five people that really liked RE: Dead Aim and it's sadly still better than these games.
Sins Committed: Bad camera, Bad controls, Grinding for items, Unskippable cutscenes, Cheap difficulty
Virtues Acted: Good story (IF you're an RE fan only), Killing Steve