Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

BR26- Yo Deity Is So Fat She Is Omnipresent

Lust sure knows how to hit 'em where it hurts. Sure you could question somebody's faith, point out the problems with believing in an all-powerful deity while one quick to anger sits in front of you, or mock her silly jewelry, but to rag on somebody's robes... Cold, man, cold. But in all fairness, most deities won't punch you out with a fist made of their morphing hair sooo... Point for the Sins?
Bonus points from Breck too. She has the whole “helping those that help themselves” thing down pat so that totally speaks to Lust's deification! But what else would you expect from a super hero adventurer.

Long, I'd go to church for that Review: Twin Blades (PS3)- The only thing that prevented me from playing Twin Blades on iPhone was the touch controls, so it's nice to see developers switching over to decent control schemes. It's a neat game but almost entirely for non-gameplay reasons. The art is fantastic and animation is smooth and cartoony. The Sister herself is so adorable yet full of butt-kickery at the same time that I'd love to see her in another game later. Even the music is fun. It's very peppy spooky music, which is a hard combination to get right. Unfortunately, the gameplay is pretty archaic and really boring. The story progresses in a way that forces you to replay stages multiple times and every stage is pretty much the same exact thing to begin with, except for the three bosses. The first stage has you killing X number of zombies and the last stage has you killing 10X number of zombies only now they take a dozen hits each. It's really tedious. The last run through levels has you killing 160 zombies per level and they're the same zombies you've been fighting the entire game. No new attacks, no new strategies needed, just button mash until the level is over. If you can beat the first enemy you encounter, you can coast until the bosses. Enemies go up in strength at the same time you do, so you never feel like you're getting any stronger. Enemies start off taking two hits to kill, then when you unlock your three-hit combo in the shop enemies now take three hits to kill, same for the fourth and fifth upgrades. It kind of feels like you've wasted your upgrade points and time. Compounding that, enemies continuously get stronger as you progress even when you've run out of upgrades so you can't keep up. At the end of the game with the strongest gun and all the health and weapon upgrades, you're still really weak and you die in two or three hits. There's also no rhyme or reason as to how much health an enemy has. One purple zombie may take two hits and then the next purple zombie takes six. You're forced to play super defensively because you never know when something is going to die. Jumping has this odd delay where she snaps to a pose and then jumps a second later so it's almost useless in battle. If you're jumping, it's because you need to get away from that spot NOW, not in two seconds. One of the bosses is built around jumping over attacks and I died four or five times in a row until I got down the timing from factoring in the delay. I was going to say that it's worth the price for the art since it's only 4 bucks and, while boring, it is functional, up until I got to the final boss. Whoever designed that fight is in an idiot. No nice way around that. You can't directly hurt the boss. There's an orb that drains your weapon energy but you can only hit the orb every once in a while when the shield turns a specific color and you scroll through your weapons and pick the corresponding attack. Once you spend the far too long time to destroy the orb, the boss's shield goes down and you can hurt it. Once. For roughly 1/50th of its health. And then the shield goes back up, the orb regenerates, and you have to do that all over again. I rather quickly said eff it, turned the game off, and watched the (surprisingly emotional) ending on Youtube. Seriously, whoever thought that battle was a good idea, is a terrible game maker. TB had great characters and wonderful art in a tedious, poorly designed package. I hope the team makes a sequel but makes it a real game with some thought put into it.
Sin Committed: Boring, Bad design, Cheap difficulty
Virtues Acted: Good art, Good music, Good characters, I'd feel bad about being attracted to a zombie-slaying nun but I draw a comic where a force of evil just punched out a priestess so I'm already in that gray area