Copyright Adam Schlosser
Contact:
aschloss@gmail.com


Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser


Posted by Pip

LFL26- Hooray For Evil

Yay! Now there's the Lust we know (fear?)! Belligerent! Powerful! Pointy eared! She's back into the groove we see her stick with during her early years. Way to go, humans. You only have yourself to blame for enticing her, building up her hopes, and then breaking her heart. You deserve your Sins-conquered world, meanies. She can keep her curvier body though. That's good for everyone.
Last page to end with sobbing for a while, I promise!


Long, I cursed a lot at a kids' game Review: Gurumin: A Monstrous Adventure- Gurumin has an enormous gap between the writing and design teams. The cast is full of adorable and bizarre characters, but they aren't random for the sake of being random. They establish the characters' oddities and stick with them. That one monster likes to dance and by gum he's going to be poppin' and lockin' in support of you because of it. The writing is cute, semi-self aware, and lighthearted, so even the cheesy moments aren't all that bad.
Then you start playing the game and all the pep and wonder comes crashing down. Even for a handheld game, it has one of the worst cameras you could implement. It gets so close that your character's head blocks the entire screen, you can't keep enemies in view (even before they start bouncing off the walls), and it rotates at odd times to either zoom in on the back of your head or face a wall and it will fight you as you try to rotate it back into a remotely usable position. Couple that with a slippery character that twists and bends in the air or slides right off platforms and playing the game quickly becomes a whole lot of not fun. Thanks to terrible hit detection, combat is a mixture of spamming the dodge button (to both dodge and oddly you can only do most special moves by first dodging) and mashing the attack button hoping you hit something. Even the level design is boring with repeated levels or mazes being common and fetch quests that only serve to pad the length of the game. You can thankfully save anywhere but it doesn't save your position in the dungeon so you can save and then wind up all the way back at the start with the whole dungeon reset. Unlocking new items is far too grindy. It costs 999 pieces of scrap to get the final upgrade on a piece of equipment (the only way to make yourself stronger) but scrap is hard to come by. If you can get 20 in a single level, that's a lot. Then it all but forces you to upgrade multiple items by requiring you to pass through environmental hazards in the course of regular gameplay.
Leading into the reason I rage quit the game, enemies have obscene amounts of health. They aren't difficult and they rarely require any strategy or thought beyond "move out of its way when it charges" but you have to sit there and attack them over and over and over until they die. Halfway through the game I just stopped fighting enemies unless the game forced me to. I'd grab their scrap and then run away. The reason I stopped playing amid a torrent of curses and a throbbing thumb is that the game features one of the biggest BS battles ever. The boss splits itself into three and then just causes constant explosions. Every time this happens, your character trips and falls to the ground letting you get hurt by one of the boss's homing attacks or ginormous area of attack moves. It's constantly moving and thanks to the awful camera, you can't keep it on screen. Aaand it has an unblockable move that takes off half your health that it can perform every couple of minutes. The entire screen just explodes and there's nothing you can do about it. It has a second full screen explosion attack but you can at least avoid that one with some good footwork as long as the game's auto aim doesn't crap out (which it will regularly do). I went into the battle with full health, full healing items, and my equipment upgraded to where I took half damage, did extra damage, and could heal myself a little off of special moves and 30 minutes into the fight, it started spamming the unblockable move and I died. Half a freaking hour. One fight. And I lost. Oh, and that wasn't even the final boss. That was just a level. Screw this game. No amount of quirky writing or cute graphics can make up for gameplay that bad.
Sins Committed: Bad camera, Bad quests, Repetitive combat, Grinding
Virtues Acted: Cute characters, Cute writing, Daaancin'