Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

MRL10- Buy The Movie Rights Now

The Virts are so riddled with ADD that they can't even sit through a short tale about why the world is falling apart. And come on, it had monsters, fights, sexy actresses, and Pride as a bumbling public servant that handcuffed herself. That's a winning combination if there ever was one! Also, a fairly accurate description of Sharing. Dude is kind of weird. And whatever ends with “and that's how we rescued Sloth” you just KNOW that was awesome.

Quick Review: Ape Quest- AQ starts off as an RPG distilled down to its essence: you buy gear from towns, fight turn-based battles, and people/monkeys want you to do inane quests. Only here, traveling is basically a bunch of mini-games so there's a bit of a Mario Party feel to it. What seems obvious to probably most people is that the mini-games start to drag things down quickly. They tend to go on too long and many are instant-fails if you do ANYTHING wrong so you'll grow to hate them. One has you block 50 arrows with your shield and if even one gets by, you lose right away. It's very much a game to be played in short doses only. Half an hour into it, you'll be sick of the mini-games, but if you come back the next day, the humor will carry it for another half an hour. At times, it's difficult to get much accomplished in those thirty minutes because the event frequency spikes at odd times and your ape meanders at a really slow speed on the map. The game mechanics are simple and light so they can be picked up easily but item crafting doesn't make much sense and never gets a decent explanation. The results you get are pretty random and frequently worse than the two items you started with. Crafting is really the only way to get decent items so be prepared to abuse saving and reloading. It would be a fun, silly game for kids if not for the uneven difficulty. I was walloping every enemy I came across in a dungeon and then I fought the boss who took 2/3 of my life away in one hit. There was no warning that he was so ludicrously strong and it doesn't seem fair given everything around him was so weak. The ending is, and there's no nice way to put it, utter bullshit. You have to go through five battles without a break, no healing after the second one so whatever health you had left from the last turn-based battle is all you'll have left for the rest, no chance to save in-between them, and if you lose any of the rounds (even if you have a revival potion), it's back to the very first battle and you have to do the entire thing all over again. That is such godawful design that it retroactively destroys what enjoyment I got out of the rest of the game. I have nothing but middle fingers for the people involved in that.