Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

MRL31- Beezle Bub

I finally got some people to admit that Envy is kind of awesome/ has some remote redeeming qualities, so that means there has to be a shake-up! After years of being picked on, pushed around, forgotten, and mocked, good for him for standing up to The Man! He may not be mighty, but he knows how to hit the Sins where it hurts. It's just not a good idea to cheese off a team member that has your secrets. Should have just gone the bribery route. Lust surely knows enough succubi to keep one little Sin happy...

If anybody out there remembers Beezle, I either love you or am totally scared of you. I can't even remember if it was “Beezle” or “Beezel”.

It's that time again and I have another game in the works! I'm just about done so I'm looking for a few beta testers, please. It's nothing too time consuming, the game can be beaten in under an hour, and I'm just looking for general feedback, difficulty balancing, and bug reports. If you're interested, please shoot me an email at:

Long, Most fun I've had writing a Review: Spider-Man: Edge of Time (DS)- A pre-script to this write-up: This isn't so much a review as it is me documenting all of the bugs and problems I encountered and amusing myself while doing it. This game is terrific for the wrong reasons and horrible at the same time. It's terrible! Wait... horrific! Wow, combining those two words just works so much better than it has any right to. You've been warned.
Literally less than 5 minutes into the game, I found a major bug that hindered my progress. Very first room in the game. When I tried to climb around a corner, Spider-Man would stop gripping the wall and as long as I held the Up button, he would just float in the air and then drop when I released it. This happened on every corner I tried and I ultimately had to find a route where I could climb without coming to any corners. Quality! In the second room, it got even better. I could turn the corner but when I got to the top of the wall, I'd warp back to the corner and hover in the air until I let go of the button. This issue plagued me for the entire time I played the game and I would just have to find routes to avoid corners I couldn't turn. If you press the web zip button while running, Spider-Man just skates along the ground without animating. You have a Castlevania/Metroid-esq map, but Spidey frequently appears outside of it. You'll look at the map from time to time only to see your dot outside of the room you're in. Alucard had to bend over backwards to get those "out of the castle" map glitches. Spider-Man? He just walks a little to the right. I might have sequence jumped in the game because there was a wall blocking my way but when I climbed onto it, I warped to the other side.
The story features the most laughable version of time travel you can imagine. Opening a door in the present opens a door almost 100 years in the future. Did nobody in a century come across this random open door and think to close it? The next "puzzle" has present day Spider-Man encounter a locked door, so Spider-Man 2099 enters that room in the future, thankfully despite the future bad guy going back in time to set up his evil corporation in the past he used the exact same building layout and kept all of his security codes exactly the same, so future Spidey can tell present Spidey how to open the door. This is ten minutes into the game and I'm already only playing it because of how amazingly awful it is. This game is hilarious and dripping with schadenfreude. Maybe they explain it later, but if the bad guy went back in time and changed everything, why is really everything still the same? Despite the future tech, rewriting the way science develops, changing the city, etc Peter Parker was still in exactly the right place and still hit all the exact notes to run into the modified spider, Uncle Ben dying, becoming a hero, and training and on and on even though regular Parker is a different guy, works at a different place, knows different people, etc? You can't half-ass time travel THIS badly and still pass it off as a story. Back to glitches and a lack of quality.
The Rhino's dialogue portrait is colored incorrectly. And it appears right over a story picture where it's correct. Just... compare the top screen to the bottom screen. It's a really obvious mistake.
The art in general looks like people of vastly different abilities handled random parts. Regular Spider-Man's pause screen background is a pretty good Todd McFarlane wannabe picture, most enemies and Black Cat's in-game sprites look like something from a Game Boy Color game (hey, maybe time travel was involved after all!), Cat's dialogue portrait is ugly as all get out, and then the story scenes are well done.
The boss battles are just lazy and boring. Want to guess how you beat Rhino? If you said anything over than "jump over him when he rams you so he hits the wall and stuns himself" you weren't putting much effort into this, were you? The next boss mixes things up and just kind of slowly floats back and forth occasionally trying to ram you or shoot a projectile directly underneath her. But watch out for the third boss who... just really, really slowly floats back and forth, only once in the fight tried to ram me, and only somewhat occasionally throws a projectile directly underneath herself. I seriously took more damage falling off the stage and into pits because you fall through the edges of the platforms you're riding than from either boss actually attacking me.
Okay, I've played about an hour more and remember earlier how I mentioned that I might have sequence jumped? Well I did. And now I'm screwed. Present day Spider-Man needs future Spider-Man to press a switch to open a door in the past (shut up, time travel so does work that way!), but future Spidey (with whom I accidentally broke the game's intended sequence) is trapped by two different kinds of walls blocking his path and I don't have the powers required to break either of them. Seeing as how I've saved multiple times since warping through that wall that led me to getting stuck, my only option is to start the game over from the beginning. I think we'll call it quits here. Spider-Man: Edge of Time, people! A hysterical, amazing game nobody should ever, ever play.