Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

MRL32- Curse You Peace And Love

It's just a whole bunch of lies on all sides set up to attempt to discredit Chastity. Fools! Everybody knows she can't be wrong. Marlowe paid them all off to make up a story that cleared the Tarot's name just because Chast deprived him of cookies.
Or the Sins could have screwed up royally and all of this is on their shoulders so they really should be thanking Balance for trying to keep everything peaceful and not freaking out on them...
OR! The Fates are just conspiring to prevent Labor from getting his rage on and punching a kid in the face. I curse the Heavens for that on a regular basis. You're just lucky there are laws, Universe, and I'm not allowed to push slow people blocking the sidewalk to the ground!

Long, Hey, hey! Remember FF7 and how much money that made us? Review: Final Fantasy: Crisis Core- Since you always saw Zack through Cloud's adoring eyes in FF7, it's kind of a shock to find out that not only is Zack NOT awesome, he's pretty much a loser that would be at home in any generic high school anime show. Then, couple that disappointment with storytelling that constantly forgets the powers it gives the characters. One minute, Zack can run through a hail of gunfire, deflect bullets, and jump 20 feet into the air. The next, he has to go through a series of corridors and ladders to get to a switch that's one catwalk away or he gets outrun and outmaneuvered by an old, fat scientist. Maybe Zack just really loves Sonic the Hedgehog 2. It's pretty hard to get into the game at the beginning, character and story-wise. The new characters aren't compelling and the only guys you care about are the ones you know from FF7. The new characters feel a lot like something you'd find in fan fiction. They're Sephiroth's buddies and he likes hanging out with them, they have the one wing like he does, and Sephiroth is worried that they might be stronger than him. The only thing separating them from the Mary Sues of fan fiction is that he never makes out with them. There's lots of pointless fan service like Zack meeting Yuffie as a child or Zack being the one that gets Aeris to start selling flowers that add nothing to the story other than to bring up FF7 and its continued inexplicable mass popularity again. Plus, really, Zack works for and defends Shinra. So all your starting missions are to serve the company's interest and if you're playing this game, you know that they're not so secretly dirtbags. So, uh, yay you burned down and slaughtered a village full of people to help out the jerkfaces that are going to destroy the world in a few years. W-woo...
The action mechanics of the combat are wonky. They tried to combine a turn-based RPG with an action game but did so by slowing down the action and making everything stiff and clunky. The random battle frequency is jacked way, waaay up above what is necessary so even if something feels a little off, it's going to be in your face. Bosses even have unblockable attacks that take off 75% of your health. I'm not talking "this move is really hard to dodge and will wreck you if you get hit", it's just straight up "the boss does this move, a text box with its name appears, you stop what you're doing, drop your guard even if you're defending, and stand still and get hit by it". That's stupid even in RPGs but in an action game? Dammit, Square-Enix, I know you're incompetent, but come on! The main gimmick of the action system is a slot machine skill system where a wheel constantly spins in battle, sometimes
awarding you bonuses but more frequently just slowing things down and getting in your way because the game pauses, takes the focus off the battle, you have to watch the slot machine do its thing for a bit, pictures flash, and then you get your bonus. And since it's a lottery, you don't have control over what it gives you, so in tough battles you can wind up with nothing but then in the regular random battles you have to sit there and watch the slot effects and Zack performing overly long limit breaks just to beat some grunt enemy you can kill in two hits. The absolute worst part is that you level up based on the slot machine too. You only gain a character level when the slot machine hits three 7s. So you can kill every enemy in an area and get nothing for it. I went through the entire first stage of the game, killed everything, and left the stage at the same level I entered. My Cure spell leveled up multiple times despite the fact that I only used it twice, which really makes no sense either. I can't see any rationalization for this whole slot machine nonsense. If they just took FF7's materia, limit breaking, and leveling system and used that in an action game, it would work just fine. For a turn-based game, FF7 did it right but to dumb an action game down to where you don't have control over your character and you only power up by getting two Sephiroths and an Aeris on a slot machine instead of using your abilities seems bizarre. And yes "two Sephiroths and an Aeris" totally is the combination you need to spin to level up your Cure spell. Stupid AND kind of a dick move having played FF7 and knowing their... interactions in the future.
The game gives you a lot of optional side missions inbetween story levels, but I'm not sure what the appeal is. They don't come with story, the items they reward you with aren't worth the time and hassle, mainly consist of running down some corridors until you find a specific enemy, and, again, levels are determined by a lucky spin of the slot machine so the quests won't level you up with any reliability.
I finally had enough maybe halfway through the story. I was up against a boss that repeatedly used spells that brought the battle to a halt so he could do some long, uninteresting move, he randomly made himself invincible, and he constantly healed himself. The gameplay wasn't fun to begin with so a battle like that is just tedious, annoying, a waste of everybody's time, and proof that Square has no idea what the hell it's doing these days. I'm willing to accept that the story was just the standard JRPG schlock that Japan apparently goes nuts for and does nothing for me, but there's no reason they have to botch the battle system THAT badly. Get rid of the slow machine, make the movement more fluid, use normal leveling and powering up abilities, and ditch the random battles in favor of just placing the enemies in the stage and it would have been a really fun game. Crisis Core is ONLY for big time fans of Final Fantasy 7 that can forgive a bad story, bad characters, and terrible gameplay just to spend a few more hours in 7's universe. For everybody looking for an action game, an RPG, or even a competent melding of the two, you will be greatly disappointed.
Sins Committed: Random battles, Bad story, Bad characters, Bad dialogue, Bad controls, Bad battle system, Square past the late 90s ugh
Virtues Acted: Good voice work, Tifa is apparently in the game but she's beyond the oh god this game is awful point so I never got to meet her