Copyright Adam Schlosser

Copyright 2005 Adam Schlosser

Posted by Pip

LG3- And She Asked Nicely Too

Not only does a whole lot of junk go into Greed, but a lot of that can come shooting out too! Greed is a one (puppy)man hurricane of destruction. Firing out debris, zipping blades of grass through trees, and sending lazy farm girls trying to skip out on chores to magical lands where witches will try to kill them. That's just how all the junk in Greed rolls! Also, kind of a good shot. Unless whanging off L.G.'s glasses makes her angrier and stronger! Don't make her less cute. You wouldn't like her when she's less cute...

I'd like to offer some insight into DC Universe but the damn thing doesn't work. I've been able to connect to it twice to do the tutorial and one string of missions but other than that, it's a constant stream of failure to connect to the server messages. What a surprise this game bombed and had to go F2P.

Long, 1000 Monkeys at a typewriter Review: Parasite Eve: 3rd Birthday- This series can't stick to one thing and sadly enough, it got it right the first time around and has botched it even more with every sequel. PE1 is an amazing action-RPG that was cool and fun to play. PE2 is a godawful Resident Evil wannabe with a terrible story and lame combat. PE3 has a completely nonsensical story, so little to do with the first two games that it's really only "Parasite Eve" to sell a few more copies through brand recognition, and is a pretty mindless third person shooter now. The regular gameplay is boring and tedious but the boss fights are a lot of fun, so it's kind of hard to tell if you should bother playing. Regular stages have you wandering through corridors, shooting the same enemies over and over, button mashing, and putting you in stupid situations like pitting you against an invincible enemy that can kill you in one hit in an extremely narrow hallway with no exits and giving you no indication how you're supposed to get out of there. Boss fights, however, have you body swapping to jump around the room to get into view of weak points or to dodge attacks. It's fast paced and kind of a puzzle so it's what you wish all of the game had been. Missions have save points but they're too far apart and the whole mission is too long for a handheld game. It's the kind of game you have to sit down and play so it isn't suited for the PSP.
Like I said before, the story is... I have no clue. You're playing as Aya but it's not really the Aya from the first two games. The story is set in the near future but Aya is a rookie and looks a lot younger but she has all her powers but makes no mention of the events of the first games that led to these powers and what is going oooon. If Nintendo fans got mad about what Other M did to Samus, Sony fans should be throwing flaming garbage cans through Square's windows (please don't do that or at least don't blame me for it). Aya went from being a highly competent, kick ass cop to being Dr. Elliott, the ditzy blonde doctor, from Scrubs. She's whiny, vapid, stumbles around, and constantly runs around with her mouth open gasping or making these incredibly annoying weak noises. The story revolves around Aya being sent back in time to prevent an outbreak of monsters but she's not really going back in time, she's just sending her spirit back to inhabit people in the past only she actually morphs their body into hers and other people see her as Aya. The first thing that popped into my mind was that with this level of time travel, isn't the basic fact that you have to send Aya back in multiple missions proof that she's going to fail? If you send somebody to the past to complete a mission, she comes back, and the future still sucks, you're kind of screwed at that point. Also, with sending her spirit back, Aya is directly responsible for murdering a crap ton of innocent people. You inhabit and take over other people's bodies but then when you leave them, they revert back to normal. So yeah, that random dude you just possessed, brought into battle, and then ditched once he got too knocked around? You really think he's not going to be torn to shreds the second you abandon him? In one of the chases against the invincible enemies, there's a barrier in your path so you have to body jump around it into somebody new and keep running. What about that poor guy you just left in front of the barrier? He has nowhere to go and you left him in the path of a bloodthirsty murder machine that the superpowered lady couldn't even handle. Aya is a horrible monster.
Ultimately, I couldn't stand the rotten gameplay, terrible lock-on system that focuses you on enemies so far in the distance that you can't even shoot them while an enemy two feet away mauls you, and the awful camera so not playing won out over suffering up to the boss battles. I looked up the ending on Wikipedia and I'm pretty sure I made the right decision.
Sins Committed: Bad story, Bad acting, Bad writing, Bad camera, Bad controls
Virtues Acted: Fun boss battles